how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We need to get me chipped asap
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
