And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
