I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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