hell yes lets make some ravioli
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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