in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
