When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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