I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
