i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
