O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize