I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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