Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
