Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
