I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
