he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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