She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
