I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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