Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
