no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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