can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
