I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
