Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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