I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
