So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize