Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dick has a subreddit
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
