Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
