you inspire me to be a worse person
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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