Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
