Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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