I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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