why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
