So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
