She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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