peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize