Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
