idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
