It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
