my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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