rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
