He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
