no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
