What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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