His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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