Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize