This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
