I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize