ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
