Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
