The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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