i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
