How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
