"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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