I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
