we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
