I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
