:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
