we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
