"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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