Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize