There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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