so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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