we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
