The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
