what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
