I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
