Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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