I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
soo... how was my night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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