we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
