and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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