i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize