Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
